oi… a column devoid of inspiration (march 2005)

gastronaut 17

my god, I have absolutely nothing to say. Nothing. Not a god damn thing, other than expressing my utter and complete confusion over ‘medieval night (knight?)’ that took over commons on thursday night. While i respect the desire to ‘mix things up’ and try jiggle the freshman out of their corn-oil and rockstar induced aphasia, i hardly think that turning Commons into a theme restaurant that previously starred in the Simpsons Divorce Episode #1 and three Rick Moranis movies is the way to go. For the record, the only missing utensil from the era was the fork; knives and spoons were as common as the plague and inbred royalty.

In other news, we must mourn the loss of a great and close friend of the Reed community: Pizza Timé. Now, I know that it technically hasn’t existed for a while now, having been sold to the luminaries who thought they could compete with Pizzacato for the Gourmet market, Rosetta Pizza has shut its doors and cancelled their phone line.

As of today, friday the 25th, I am declaring Tani’s dead. The coming soon sign has been ubiquitous since that stripmall was completed, but nothing’s doing. I’m actually kind of glad about that; the prospect of tanning spray in my inari isn’t appealing.

I have received numerous warnings recently about Assaggio, the Italian restaurant on 13th in Sellwood. I’ve never been, but these comments are pretty scathing, and the fact that Assaggio isn’t actually a word in Italian, I’d suggest staying the course on 13th and going to Portofinos. Cross this one off the places-to-take-your-parents list.

Come on people… i can’t keep pulling stuff outta my ass every week.