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little did we know that Pontius Pilate and the Olmec were tight

Mar 27th, 2007
by Mark.

scholarship on a bag of polenta

It’s more than a little entertaining to me that a product with rather large distribution would put something so amazingly incorrect on their label. This led me to elicit the help of aspiring humorist and felching aficionado Vandusen to think up some other little known historical facts that could be discovered on food label blurbs (n.b. I am single, and I am a Suns/Zona fan. That’s about all he got right, if you click through to see the analogous post):

  • Twinkies were invented by Sultan Abdul ibn Hassam as rewards for women of his Harem for avoiding pregnancy.
  • the invention of Salmon Jerky is inappropriately attributed to the Nez Perce; in fact, Mongolian Immigrants in the 19th century discovered the unique method of making salmon jerky after an unsuccessful attempt to clone their prized racing Yak.
  • the Bugle was saved from certain annihilation when a seamstress escaped an Armenian prison camp with the last remaining Bugle disguised as an unsightly third nipple.
  • Descended from the foothills of the Guangdong province, Gyoza would have been a market item sooner had not the descending dumplings leveled the underlying village.
  • The first batch of Kettle Chips was almost lost at sea, as the captain originally tasked with bringing it from Belgium briefly let go of the sails so he could lick the residue off his hands.
  • Originally used to store leeches by doctors on the frontier, it was not until bandits stole one doctor’s silver scooper that a new use for Pace brand salsa was found.
  • Before he left for America, young Vito of the village of Ragu swore his revenge on Don Classico.
  • After all was said and done, General Washington wished he hadn’t tested his new Quaker Oats recipe before crossing the Delaware.
  • Carr’s Table Water crackers got their name from what a Newport maid who spoke little English thought Mrs. Rathbone had requested. She was promptly fired.
  • After Jerry Martinelli’s son came out of the closet and started making cider, he could never show his face at the Elks Club again.
  • Maille brand cornichons were the result of the Comte de Lochard’s constant verbal abuse and belittlement of his pickles.
  • Skippy brand chunky peanut butter has a sinister beginning, as one evil scientist aimed to create a version of the popular table spread that those with cerebral palsy could not enjoy.
  • “Has anyone ever told the guys who make Chicken of the Sea that there are no chickens in the ocean? But seriously folks. Wow. Quiet in here. I guess this is a tuna friendly crowd. What about this couple in the front. How long have you been dating?”

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  • Sorcha

    Well, to be fair, in Europe all grains are, or at least were, called “corn”, if I’m remembering correctly, and corn is called “maize.” However, I somehow don’t think that the people who wrote that blurb knew this. I’m pretty sure they were envisioning, yeah, CORN.

  • Sorcha

    Well, to be fair, in Europe all grains are, or at least were, called “corn”, if I’m remembering correctly, and corn is called “maize.” However, I somehow don’t think that the people who wrote that blurb knew this. I’m pretty sure they were envisioning, yeah, CORN.

  • Gastronaut

    welcome new reader! but what?

    I’m gonna have to call bullshit on that tostada. Who called ‘grain’ ‘corn’? Where in Europe? What languages? what era?

  • Gastronaut

    welcome new reader! but what?I’m gonna have to call bullshit on that tostada. Who called ‘grain’ ‘corn’? Where in Europe? What languages? what era?

  • Sorcha

    Again, this is me recalling, not referencing anything I have at hand. I know for a pretty sure fact that wheat used to be called “corn” and that when what our people call corn showed up, it was called “maize.” I’m also pretty sure I remember reading that “corn” was used as a catchall term for any sort of grain. How long ago, I can only guess. I’ll have to do some digging to find some actual references though.

  • Sorcha

    Again, this is me recalling, not referencing anything I have at hand. I know for a pretty sure fact that wheat used to be called “corn” and that when what our people call corn showed up, it was called “maize.” I’m also pretty sure I remember reading that “corn” was used as a catchall term for any sort of grain. How long ago, I can only guess. I’ll have to do some digging to find some actual references though.

  • Sorcha

    Well, this is just Wikipedia, so take it as you will, but in their disambiguation page for corn, it says:

    Corn may refer to:

    * Any grain, especially the dominant kind which is grown locally, such as maize, wheat, rye, and oats (especially in British usage, as in “cornfield”)

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corn_%28disambiguation%29

    I know that I’ve seen in British fiction, the heroine’s hair described as being the color of ripe corn, and I sincerely hope they don’t mean maize. ;)

    All that aside, though, I still hold that the people who wrote the label for the chips didn’t have this in mind and sincerely believed that the Romans were growing maize.

  • Sorcha

    Well, this is just Wikipedia, so take it as you will, but in their disambiguation page for corn, it says:Corn may refer to: * Any grain, especially the dominant kind which is grown locally, such as maize, wheat, rye, and oats (especially in British usage, as in “cornfield”)http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corn_%28disambiguation%29I know that I’ve seen in British fiction, the heroine’s hair described as being the color of ripe corn, and I sincerely hope they don’t mean maize. ;) All that aside, though, I still hold that the people who wrote the label for the chips didn’t have this in mind and sincerely believed that the Romans were growing maize.

  • Gastronaut

    ok, so I checked with some experts, and there is a Latin word for generic grain of any type that is commonly translated as ‘corn’.

    However, polenta chip people don’t say that corn daes back to the Roman era. they don’t actually say ‘corn’ at all. they say ‘Polenta’. polenta is a maize/corn product pure and simple.

    thanks’ for readin!

  • Gastronaut

    ok, so I checked with some experts, and there is a Latin word for generic grain of any type that is commonly translated as ‘corn’.However, polenta chip people don’t say that corn daes back to the Roman era. they don’t actually say ‘corn’ at all. they say ‘Polenta’. polenta is a maize/corn product pure and simple.thanks’ for readin!

  • Sorcha

    But it was on a chip bag! It must be true!

    I’m so disillusioned. All the magic of yuppie snack chips is gone for me.

  • Sorcha

    But it was on a chip bag! It must be true!I’m so disillusioned. All the magic of yuppie snack chips is gone for me.

  • Sorcha

    I has finded out! The Romans made polenta with pearl barley. Maize was first eaten in Italy in 1650.

    Yay for Alton Brown and his historical facts! And yay for my OCD that won’t let me give up!

  • Sorcha

    I has finded out! The Romans made polenta with pearl barley. Maize was first eaten in Italy in 1650.Yay for Alton Brown and his historical facts! And yay for my OCD that won’t let me give up!