Tastes like pepsi mixed with brominated vegetable oil. How do I recognize the oil? It’s the filmy, saccherine oil slick that coats your mouth just like Mt. Dew does.
If you recall, crazy/bored readers, I shared with you Gilbert Arenas’ new cocktail, the Agent Zero. If not, scroll down. Since Arenas is a delightful combination of an amazing basketball player and bat-shit insane, I figured I should try his cocktail.
“I order a Corona and a Shirley Temple, then mix them 50-50 in an extra glass. I’ve been doing it for about a year now. It tastes like a sweet Corona. I call it the Agent Zero.”
Dear sweet baby Jesus, that sounds disgusting. It won’t be long before the Sparxxx people brand the Agent Zero malt beverage, the first pop culture titled alcoholic beverage since Billy Beer. The beverage will go on to revolutionize Sorority hazing, to the delight of internet users everywhere.
my first menu:
Sauteed Gila Monster with a Kelp Tapinade
Battered Skunk with a Kool-Aid Mousse
Thinly Pounded Rhinoceros with a Gin Reduction
Infused Addax with a Scorned Bisque
Fried Marmoset with a Scalding Risotto
kool-aid mousse ain’t a bad idea.
in other news, I went to the North American Organic Brewers Festival yesterday, and watch out fo hopworks urban brewery. they’re gonna be big.
I’m stuck in Tucson (Tuscon? Tscuno?) so I’m hurting for the pdx right now. It was 109 fucking degrees here today. days so hot not even crotch-beer saves you from suffering.
in league with the ‘judging people by their book covers‘ corollary introduced about a year ago, we now have the 11 most annoying bar people, with accompanying you tube videos.
I would add some portland specific ones:
1. the Pabst-o-philes, those folks who seem to derive some sort of working class street cred from torn thriftstore t-shirts my dad threw away 20 years ago and looking disdainfully at people who order something other than their preferred piss-water.
2. reverse pregnant bikers, (who are often part of group #1) those who refuse to remove their oversized messenger bags despite the obvious and very real danger that they’ll smack every seated person in the face in a crowded bar.
anyone got a another type of asshole to add?