Tag Archives: NBA

NBA: The Spurs drank my milkshake

The Spurs’ ability to fall down when stared at and thus earn offensive fouls against the Suns big men in the first half is continuously ridiculous. The Suns are playing, frankly, like an under-tattooed Nuggets team: no soul.

Despite bringing flopping to basketball, which is the ultimate egregious sin against the beautiful game, The Suns/Spurs series points out some things about the Suns:

Continue reading NBA: The Spurs drank my milkshake

the Gayest moment in NBA history

Short Shorts, Baby Tees, Vintage 80s pop, Roller Skates and Baron Davis. I give you the Gayest moment in NBA history. I guess weird things happen to a man when he plays for Golden State for a few seasons.

I almost said something about how I’m not using gay in a pejorative sense, but fuck it–this celebrates gay comedy just like I’m fucking Ben Affleck. So before you complain, just roll… bounce.

another gem from the Basketball Jones

the Agent Zero: the man, the myth, the beverage

“I order a Corona and a Shirley Temple, then mix them 50-50 in an extra glass. I’ve been doing it for about a year now. It tastes like a sweet Corona. I call it the Agent Zero.”

-Gilbert Arenas
(emphasis mine)

Dear sweet baby Jesus, that sounds disgusting. It won’t be long before the Sparxxx people brand the Agent Zero malt beverage, the first pop culture titled alcoholic beverage since Billy Beer. The beverage will go on to revolutionize Sorority hazing, to the delight of internet users everywhere.


Steve Kerr and his Western Omelette

I used to be Steve Kerr’s biggest fan, neighbor and occasional breakfast cook. His wife is nice, his kids were well behaved. I was excited when he got the Suns GM job. I thought he had a tough act to follow, and his inauspicious start was the most one sided trade in NBA history: he moved kurt thomas for 8 reams of paper and a box of Krispy Kremes, purely to meet the owner’s salary cap expectations.

But now it seems he traded for the most dominant center of my lifetime, 3 years past his prime, to play on a team that runs an offense that could be mistaken for a Globetrotters demo. Why? I don’t fucking know. What’s the deal Stevie-Steve? I never fucked up your omelette, why are you fucking my Suns? It’s clear that Amare has won vs. Marion–when Stevie-Steve had a shot at a legitimate center who could run with the team, KG, he balked, because they wanted Amare.

It makes me sad they couldn’t get along, but moving him is perhaps for the best. Marion was sure to leave Phoenix when his contract expires at the end of the year. Moving Amare to the 4 is probably going to weaken team defense because, well, he hasn’t bothered to play any since his surgery, and ‘being big’ is only good enough when guarding a 5. We also lose Nash’s only backup (Banks, yes he sucks, but Nash’s bench minutes are precious). I worry about the tremendous pressure on Hill and Diaw to replace Marion’s steals and blocks will affect them. Frankly, combined they aren’t capable of meeting Marion’s production, offensively or defensively, not to mention running the floor more efficiently to be on the receiving end of all those alley-oops.

Nonetheless it begs the question, are the Suns planning to leave Shaq behind to guard the rim while the rest if the team run a collective 10 sec. 91′ dash? that’s peach-basket old school. I can only hope Diesel teaches Black Jesus some humility and they don’t have to slow the offense too much. I really hope this isn’t a ‘lets nab him because if we don’t the Mavs/Nugs/whoever else will nab him and we’ll be fucked‘ thing, because it could cause money issues for years to come, and do more harm than good in the short run.