Review in Haiku (idea from portlandfood.org)
slammers is a bar
with the strangest bartender
alive in portland
Slammers, 9th and sandy. In an old house that hasn’t aged well, to the point of load bearing kitsh on the walls and ceiling. ATM dispenses tubes of money. Internet Jukeboxes, I’ve found, are invitations for people with bad taste to expose their nefarious CD collections and force unsuspecting people with good taste to have a Tim McGraw/Phil Collins/Nirvana sandwich. Normal jukeboxes protect the innocent and well intentioned from situations like this. Four beers on tap, one of which is drinkable (no PBR). Paintjob that i confused for the Ghanan Flag after a while. Creepy gender stereotype bathrooms (potpourri and lavender for the ladies, race cars for the boys) Lots of boistrous regulars. Bartender has patented the Slammer’s Shuffle, when she forces the bar to absorb empty stools to make room for more.
I liked it. a place where you can get super rowdy, the bartender called me by name (and the rest of the party, for that matter) after carding me, which is cool. She’s one crazy lady though.